Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
