It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
