Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
