Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
