he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Randomize
