I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
