Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
