so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
