You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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