8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got inside last night via doggy door
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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