Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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