Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
