I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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