Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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