I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
