Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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