She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
