I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
