worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
