remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
