why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
