My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
