Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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