I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize