Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
