how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
