The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
