This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
