He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
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Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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