Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
