Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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