i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
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I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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