Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
