what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
