Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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