I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
3 2 1 whiskey
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Congratulations! We have a period
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
