Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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