2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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