should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My ATM looks so different sober.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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