you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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