just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
