i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it because I queefed?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
