I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
