I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize