hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
