definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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