You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
