A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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