Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
