I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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