You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
