I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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