With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
