it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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