the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
