Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
